Monday, July 9, 2012

I'm so glad that I got to carry you for 21 and a half weeks. . . 
. . . and that these hands got to hold you at all. 

Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

1 Timothy 2:15

Saturday, July 7, 2012

1 Year

How very excited we were to find out who you would be a year ago today. . . 

Still amazed at all you have managed to do without actually being here. I don't know what to call this day, but, it's the day that we realized we had lost you, Benjamin. And a day I will remember forever and a day I still look forward to.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012


We are moving states. To say it gently, it has been a difficult journey thus far. "Where did this pack up and move idea come from? " is a question that many have asked us. . . . Hmmm, let me see if I can try to remind myself. Maybe that will help me hurl myself back into the familiar and take away some of the remorse I have about moving. Because the truth is, I do not want to move. . . and my list for that is a whole lot longer and a lot easier to write.

1. Spousal discontent with work
2. Not liking to travel with small children
3. Wanting our children to grow up around their "family" (I've really been struggling with this one lately though as I realize how much I love the community around us and how they have made us feel so much like family, Jesus' words keep echoing in my mind, "who is my mother? and who are my brothers?"
4. 4 seasons, and the desire to be somewhere naturally green
5. Frustration over the Phoenix housing market
6. Knowledge that someday we will move back closer to our birth families and we might as well do it now when it is easier on the kids.
7. (and this one is just me) Wanting to see the stars again.
8. ("") The romantic idea of trying to grow most of our summer food

Here is why I don't want to move. . .

1. I love my job
2. I love the state of Arizona and all of it's burning hotness
3. I feel more independent here, going back makes me feel like I'm throwing in the towel.
4. Housing in Columbia is just as frustrating as it is here. Probably worse because there are more opinions and I don't actually live there yet, and we were given a month to move and settle there. . . with a brand new baby.
5. Ticks
6. Mosquitoes
7. Humidity and 365 days of bad hair to follow.
The real reasons.
8. Our friends out here are so great. In a lot of ways I feel more cared for by them, than I do by my actual family.
9. We love our church
10. Jonathan's friends
11. I buried my baby here
12. Arizona is probably the reason why Kyle and I made it through those first rocky year of marriage - nothing makes you cling to your spouse like being in a metaphorical desert (though the physicality of the desert might make you want to stay away from them because it is just so hot at times).

Regardless of what I want or what I think I may want, I do think that we are making the right decision and that we are trusting God on this one.

In 9 days we will be back there. I have no idea where we will be living (I have less of an idea now than I did before I went on a house hunting trip), but I do know that wherever that might be that the stars will be shining brighter and that our opportunities will be many and that I feel more prepared to take on those opportunities than ever because of the great love that our friends have sowed into us here.