tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23759896460851595402024-03-12T19:33:28.317-07:00a way into Narniaa Way into NarniaCaitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.comBlogger259125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-69827607396119498772015-09-22T09:28:00.002-07:002015-09-22T09:29:14.008-07:00Project 36 of many. . . The projects are few and far between these days. And while they still get accomplished, they seem small compared to the <a href="http://kyleandcaitlyn.blogspot.com/2010/09/project-22-of-many.html">handbags </a>and <a href="http://kyleandcaitlyn.blogspot.com/2010/11/table-for-ten-food-for-more-dinner-for.html">tables </a>I used to churn out in a manner that now seems impossible. I still get a lot done, but in the words of my aunt I've had to learn to "sit on my hands" otherwise family and home suffers greatly. I don't make posts anymore about projects that I've accomplished around the house - sometimes a post gets put on facebook. Most of my "projects" these days have minds of their own anyway.<br />
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Well, today I am breaking the silence. . . with the 36th documented project. Yesterday, I used four pieces of scotch tape to fix the mini blinds that I fell into in a half sleeping stupor and broke. I won't lie - it had been on my list of "to do's" for about a week and it made me feel quite accomplished.<br />
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Also, I really dislike mini blinds -- I might be able to write an entire essay on why they are one of the worst consumer products available. </div>
Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-19004514708656214732015-05-08T21:56:00.001-07:002015-05-08T22:21:06.867-07:00DIY: Fitted PrefoldThe other day while perusing Pinterest, yah know, like ya do when you are having bon bons and sipping champagne in your sparkling clean, quiet home -- I came across some fitted prefolds. I thought they might address some issues we have with cloth diapering. <br />
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Our babiest is a very wiggily little man and keeping my newspaper fold from going all wonka is seriously difficult -- plus, the diaper liner always seems to move around no matter how I fold the diaper... and we know what that gets us. <br />
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But, I have three boys and the thought of spending an entire day doing a complicated looking prefold revamp seemed out of the question. I also didn't like the idea of adding another piece of elastic to my kid's legs - it's already bulky enough down there, and that elastic isn't keeping any wetness out - that's what my Flip is for. <br />
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Then I had an "ah hah!" moment and this method popped into my head. <strong>It. Is. So.</strong> <strong>Simple</strong>. No joke, under 5 minutes, and I'm not talking about a concentrated 5 minutes. I am talking about five minutes while having a baby on your leg and getting sucked into whatever episode of Daniel Tiger (Isn't he just the best?) is on. <br />
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You will need:<br />
<ul>
<li>Scissors</li>
<li>Ruler</li>
<li>Marking pencil (I used a purple crayon the first time)</li>
<li>Prefold</li>
<li>A threaded sewing machine </li>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheE0sTUwkQ5xNHHLmPV_3N-0ziiGNuqu_63zi71wv2jwsCMwzEtPVdX1jLFzjNBOFYIDnIa7XOu1iH8AafTu2PkhBgMHFqzfZ71fsjDhHVXna3e0pk_d3N3i-dT7G7b4ogXFaD9osYUSs/s1600/Leviethan+Threads+Fitted+Prefold+DIY+DEMO+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="478" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheE0sTUwkQ5xNHHLmPV_3N-0ziiGNuqu_63zi71wv2jwsCMwzEtPVdX1jLFzjNBOFYIDnIa7XOu1iH8AafTu2PkhBgMHFqzfZ71fsjDhHVXna3e0pk_d3N3i-dT7G7b4ogXFaD9osYUSs/s640/Leviethan+Threads+Fitted+Prefold+DIY+DEMO+4.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The smaller seam allowance, and cut line, on the "bottom" side of the diaper allows for added width to cover more bum.</td></tr>
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These work so much better for my little boy than the regular prefolds did. I have used these prefolds for 4 years and wish I had done this 4 years ago! The diaper fits so much trimmer, the diaper liner lays flat and does not shift around and my son doesn't get weird marks on his skin from where strange folds in the diaper pressed into him. The best part? These work really well with my snappies. Before I transformed my prefolds I was really having to stretch the snappy to make it work and with any more gains we were going to have to switch to a different diaper type. </div>
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<em>If you wanted you could zig zag across all your raw edges before sewing what ends up becoming the center seam of the diaper, and then leave the "pocket" open and stuff another prefold in there at night or for long trips.</em> </div>
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What do you use? Let me know if this works for you or if you have any questions. </div>
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Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-55945863289121015462015-04-18T17:46:00.001-07:002015-05-08T20:00:59.242-07:00bumGenius, ruffle, diaper coversA girl. I never got one. The desire for cute girlie things will not subside within me! I have piles and piles of cute girl fabrics -- and have finally found a use for them! I have started to embellish bumGenius diaper covers. It's a great way for me to relax and feel like I am accomplishing something after a day of cleaning up the same messes over and over again :) I've got them over in my <a href="https://www.etsy.com/shop/LeviethanThreads?ref=hdr_shop_menu">Etsy</a> store<br />
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<br />Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-7306608132377147322015-01-08T09:25:00.001-08:002015-01-08T09:25:13.297-08:00Jacob: 1 year old<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We found out that Jacob was a anemic at our 1 year check up. He had not grown in weight or height since 9 months, but, his head circumference had followed its same growth pattern so the doctor ruled out a lack of growth hormone. Everything else about him was fine, he was meeting all of his milestones. . .didn't have loose stool or was vomiting all the time. . .but, his finger prick revealed low iron and a lead level of 6.9 (CDC guideline is it must be under 10, doc likes it around 3). So we went and got some more extensive blood draws done, and because I am crazy I requested that Jonathan and Levi get them as well . . . what an experience.<br />
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Of course, Jacob woke up from his nap that day vomiting and having loose stool, so, I was sure the end was near. Then I started talking to family and it turns out that everyone I had seen over the weekend all thought they were having food poisoning. I have never been so thankful for the flu!<br />
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The next morning I had two missed calls from the doc's office, one at 4am, and one at 8am...that's always a good sign.<br />
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We scheduled an appointment with hematology at Saint Louis Children's Hospital, and had more blood drawn. Then I spoke with the doc and she told me that Jacob was severely anemic and that if his levels dropped anymore that he might start having system failures and that it was also going to make it very hard for him to get over the flu. So, we ended up getting a blood transfusion that afternoon. I have decided that blood transfusions are my favorite kind of "medicine," sans the 5 times they had to poke Jacob to find a good vein. They finally found one in his foot that worked.<br />
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We are hoping that this is all that was needed to help Jacob start growing again. Up until 6 months old I thought that Jacob was going to be my darkest child. Then he started getting more and more pale. With our history of long lasting jaundice in the family I figured he had just had some lingering around giving him that Italian glow, and that he was going to be pale. 6 Months is also when most babies start eating real food, foods that have iron in them. Jacob was not ready to eat real food at 6 months and was almost exclusively breastfed until he was 9 months old. I did not give him an iron supplement, my reasoning was that supplements were not well absorbed into the body. Plus, my other kids hadn't needed them.<br />
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Jacob wasn't the other kids though. I think Levi consumed his first t-bone around 5 months, and both he and Jonathan were full term, so they got that extra dose of iron from my body in their last few weeks in there. Plus, their mom wasn't endurance training, which takes even more iron out of her body and I assume passes less of it through breast milk.<br />
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So, we are now almost back to our normal chipper self, really I think the only reason Jacob has been lethargic and not his normal self is because of the flu. Jacob is an incredibly happy baby, so, I am not sure when I would have noticed that something was wrong with him.<br />
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We are taking iron supplements now and follow up with the doctor in 6 weeks. We are also going to go to an allergist and see what food allergies he has and if there are some malabsorption problems (I am sure there are). We will also be drinking a lot of bone broth.<br />
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At one year Jacob weighs 18lbs 13oz and is 29.24" long. He as 5lb 3oz at birth and 19" long. He had brown hair then and blonde hair now.Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-37747377349812198172014-09-19T09:24:00.000-07:002014-09-19T09:25:31.520-07:00Project 35 of many. . . With 3 kids the projects are getting fewer and further between. In fact, when we moved to St. Louis this summer I purposefully left almost all of my project material behind. I am sitting on my hands for a season so that I can focus on the more important project. . . my 3 boys! It is a project that spirals out of control very quickly.<br />
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The other morning before anyone else was up, (and, this never happens. I usually get out of bed at least 5 minutes after my kids have woken up.) I was reading a book about how important it is to teach your kids to use the left and right sides of their brains. It was going along pretty well, I felt like I was about to learn something major. Then I don't know what happened. I had a roll of paint tape in my hands all of a sudden and had masked off a section of the wall in my dinning room. The kids woke up, and the masked wall stayed blank for a couple of weeks. This week I finally let the kids have at it.<br />
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Honestly the project turned out way better than I could have hoped. I gave the boys 3 paint colors and let the colors mostly dry before introducing another color. My favorite thing about this is that I love abstract art, but Kyle does not- but, he likes this! Why? This is not abstract to our kids, it is as real as it gets for them! To hear Jonathan talk about his art is hilarious! I think we are going to have him write out an artist statement. Ha!Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-56248163371611510152014-07-12T10:18:00.002-07:002014-07-12T10:18:59.328-07:00Where is your victory? I laid Benjamin in the ground 3 years ago today. I remember walking up to the grave and feeling like their was no way I could ever let that coffin go, no way I could ever place it in the ground. Part of me had died and I couldn't let it go.<br />
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When I think back to that day the thing that strikes me as most bizarre is that I did not take the day off from work. I taught my class in the morning, came home, went to the cemetery, said goodbye to you, and then somehow thought it necessary that I go back to work and teach my evening class.<br />
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I spent the day before Jacob was born lying on the cold, hard cement floor at work because every ounce of energy had drained from me and my entire body felt like it was burning up. I was working two jobs at the time. Right after Jacob was born I quit one of my jobs, but kept the other. It seemed good for me to keep it at the time, even though I didn't need that job for us to survive. Now I just wonder. . . what was I thinking? I had two kids at home and another in the hospital, surely they needed me more than my students.<br />
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In May I became a stay at home mom. Deciding not to work was a very hard choice, there were lots of tears involved and I felt like a failure. I felt like I should be able to do it all. You know, work 25 hours a week, make 3 meals a day, garden, sew cute crafts for people, educate my kids, be a wife, work out, relax, drive kids to swim lessons, read my Bible, journal, and take showers, and clean the house. Even now part of me looks at that list and thinks, "Okay, why couldn't you do all that, Caitlyn? It's not that much stuff."<br />
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But it was. It was too much stuff. And, I can't do it. So, now I stay home with my 3 bouncing boys and wonder how I ever did it all. I wonder why it took so long for me to bury the part of me that couldn't rest.<br />
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Benjamin dying was a life changing event. Jacob coming 7 weeks early and spending 7 weeks in the hospital was a life changing event. Part of me felt like it was dying each time those things happened. But, the biggest life changing event that has taken place was when I decided to kill my career and stop doing all those things that can seem so important at the moment.<br />
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I've heard over and over again my entire life not to "bury your talents in the sand." Moms, don't feel bad if you have to do that in order to raise your kids right and love your husband. I am focusing on the bigger picture. <a href="http://kyleandcaitlyn.blogspot.com/2010/09/child-1-of-many.html">God</a> <a href="http://kyleandcaitlyn.blogspot.com/2011/09/project-28-of-many-child-2-of-many.html">made</a> <a href="http://kyleandcaitlyn.blogspot.com/2012/06/child-3-of-many-maybe.html">me</a> <a href="http://kyleandcaitlyn.blogspot.com/2013/05/child-of-many-laying-it-all-out.html">a</a> <a href="http://kyleandcaitlyn.blogspot.com/2014/01/child-4-of-manypart-1.html">mom</a>, I believe He is more interested in my weaknesses than my "talent." My weaknesses are 29, 3, 2, and 1/2 years old. God is about relationships and family. My resume is going to have a huge hole in it, my sewing machine will gather dust, my wool collection will probably be eaten by moths. And, I will be the better for it. Who would have ever thought that when you stop living for yourself that EVERY single aspect of your life would get better.<br />
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<br />Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-72419510707721039572014-01-03T20:13:00.001-08:002014-01-08T14:00:02.159-08:00Child 4 of many....part 1Although, I think I'd like the rest will be born by another woman.<br />
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Early in our pregnancy we found out that Jacob's umbilical cord was inserted into the bottom of my placenta instead of coming out if the middle like it is suppose to. We were told that this could lead to preterm labor. I don't think either of us were too concerned; in my mind all of my children had this same problem in utero and I simply hadn't heard about it because I had not gone to a specialist with them like I had been with this child. </div>
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At 31 weeks pregnant I remembered that Levi had gotten his shoulder a little stuck on my pelvis on his way out and asked the doctor about this. He said that we would talk about it at my next visit when Levi was not throwing a fit because he'd gone without a nap.</div>
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At my next visit he talked about birth weight and told me there was a fairly significant chance that if Jacob went to term that he would probably be bigger than Levi - so there was a chance of him getting even more stuck. Which is big deal when he might not handle labor well because of the marginal insertion of the umbilical cord. Then the doctor proceeded to me that in the last week my amnion and chorion had started to separate and could be seen hanging and floating in my uterus. This was another sign that we might have preterm labor.<br />
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He suggested that we plan a c-section around 39 weeks. I was terrified. I wanted baby to be safe obviously but then there were all those what if questions. In the end I think what we had decided was that we would have a cesarean if it looked like he was going to be a big baby and went to term, and would try natural if he was preterm, opting for a cesarean if baby was in distress. </div>
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On New Years days I felt terrible. No energy, light headed, my arms felt as if they weighted 500 lbs, I was burning up and my heart would race if I walked for more than a few minutes. So, of course I went to work. Around 1, I realized that I had been feeling better but that baby was not moving. So I went over to labor and delivery to get checked out. Of course baby started moving around within about 10 minutes of getting hooked up to the monitor. I was not contracting and they let me go. </div>
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The next day around 3:30 I realized that I was spotting and possibly having light contractions. My doctors office was about to close so they said I could go to labor and delivery if I wanted to get checked out because baby wasn't moving too well...baby was moving well, but I went anyway. I was pretty sure I was having contractions and leaking fluid at this point. The fetal monitor was not picking up contractions, then they moved it and low and behold I wasn't crazy! They described what was on the monitor as "irritable uterus." They did a test to see if I was leaking amniotic fluid, I was no; nor was I dilated. They discharged me around 6 and I went home. <br />
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I was still having contractions but had been told that it wasn't labor- rather that irritable uterus, so I tried to ignore them... They went away until about 10pm when they started to get stronger. I laid down, they didn't go away and were getting more painful. I practiced my breathing and was eventually able to fall asleep around 11- despite on going contractions. I think I woke up at 12:30 in the middle of a horrible contraction. I quickly realized that I was bleeding actively again. I laid in bed for awhile feeling stupid about wanting to go back to labor and delivery, but at the same time my contractions were so bad that I thought just maybe it wasn't "irritable uterus." I called doc, he told me I should go back to the hospital. By this point I was laying on the ground, rocking back and forth with contractions and shaking compulsively and trying to decide if I could drive myself to the hospital. Kyle decided that I could not and we made it to labor and delivery around 1 am.<br />
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Contractions we hard, short and right on top of one another, I was 4.5 cm dilated. They tried to stop labor, but half an hour later I was 5.5, and then six, and then talking to a neonatologist and being wheeled into a delivery room. I am still thinking the baby will be born in February because they forgot to tell me they had stopped trying to halt labor. I started bleeding a lot at some point, it felt like my sac of waters had popped, but it was just blood. They said my placenta was most likely rupturing because of how strong, sharp, short and close together my contractions were. They gave me something mild for pain, said if I needed more that I would have to have an epidural. At this point I think I had realized that maybe I was going to have a baby. With the medicine the contractions still had a lot of pressure, but did not hurt as bad. That lasted for 4 contractions. They checked me again, I was still 6. All this time they baby is doing really well, heart rate dipping a little, but at all the right times and doing what it was suppose to.<br />
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I decided that I was not going to have a mentally and physically traumatizing birth. I had no idea what was going to happen, but come what may I was not going to feel it. So I signed for an epidural while the anesthesiologist finished up on someone else. I was 6.5. They prepped me, I'd already had my fluids so they could go right in with the epidural. 1st contraction- cleaning my back, 2nd getting needle in and testing meds on me, time in between- oh maybe I have to push, and a quick check, "you are ten", third contraction begins- laying down as he finishes securing the tape "be careful it may still fall out." Height of 3rd contraction, "I have to push!" The nurse telling me not to- not pushing, but baby comes out anyway and is caught by the bed. Nurse quickly picks him up and puts him on the warm bed, I am thinking "I just had a baby, he is crying. That is good. How did he get over there without my umbilical cord being cut?" Blood everywhere. Pools on floor, spots on curtains and walls, up to elbows on nurses arms. Now there are four people in the room, then 10. "Oh my gosh, I feel so much better, that epidural worked fast." I never actually got the epidural, my adrenaline and oxytocin kicked in hard and fast unlike I have ever experienced before. Kyle on the other hand looked like he might pass out. <br />
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"Baby's umbilical cord was detached at birth" I hear, "you got it clamped right away?" "Yes." </div>
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Everyone was everywhere. Doctor pulling out my placenta. Talk of a blood transfusion for me. Neonatologist telling me my baby will poop my own blood that he ingested, and that that is perfectly "normal" as is the blood that he is bubbling up through his tiny perfect lips. Kyle takes a picture and shows him to me, "his hand has an 'M'" I think, "probably no Down syndrome (there was a 1 in 25 chance)" I felt like I was the eye in the middle of a hurricane, calm, alert and "yeah, this is all normal, it is all okay."</div>
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I held baby for a minute or two and then they took him to NICU.<br />
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The flurry if activity was gone as quickly as it had come. I was alone. I'd been in the hospital for about 3.5 hours. I think I cried then. </div>
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Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-82568637004425754412013-11-25T15:40:00.000-08:002013-11-26T17:59:37.314-08:00Kyle got brandedI am working on a drop shadow exercise for my students, so that they can do an interesting layout of their branding project for their mini mailer portfolios. Turns out I didn't have a "branding project" of my own to use for the example, so I decided to use Kyle as my muse. He took one look at it and told me he took business cards to a recent conference he went to and didn't hand out one because he hates when people call him. Oh well?<br>
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Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-84645623938907923562013-09-14T20:52:00.002-07:002013-09-14T20:52:49.199-07:00Woah, Guys. . . ". . . Uh, Caitlyn? You're pregnant. What about that <a href="http://kyleandcaitlyn.blogspot.com/2013/05/child-of-many-laying-it-all-out.html">post</a> you wrote a little while back about fostering and adoption? You know, that one where you bared your soul and told people you'd asked God to close your womb. Uh, where is God?"<br />
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No one has come out and asked this question to me directly, and I don't know if it is a question that people are even wondering. However, I feel inclined to answer it. And I'll answer it bluntly.<br />
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Our desire to foster and adopt children is still very much the plan. When we found out that we were pregnant we did not also receive a memo that the orphan crisis was over and that all children had found homes. In fact, I became more aware than ever before of just how badly children need parents who love them as I dove into books about childhood PTSD and RAD.<br />
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I feel like in a society that does not value children that at least someone out there reading this thinks that I am out of my mind. A man at the grocery store recently said to me, "when I see people who look like you do now, it makes me glad that I chose to never have children." My response? "I have a water leak in my house that has destroyed my kitchen floor. My microwave is broken. My oven is broken. My AC is broken. My children are the joy of my life." Then I kissed each one of them. I wasn't hurt by his statement, just shocked, "really, you think these two beautiful boys are the reason I look frazzled?" Have you looked at the faces of the rest of the people around you, or did they not draw attention to themselves because they are not pushing a giant grocery cart with two percussion line ready boys in it, a cart that is also shaped like a race car? There is pain and suffering in everyone's face if you look for it. But, we see what we want to see.<br />
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Why do people assume, "ahhh, kids! Pain and misery!!!!" That is not how it is for us. But, there are a lot of kids in pain and misery, and our home, even with it's warped floor (PTL, all the other things are FIXED!!!!!), is still open to them.<br />
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-K&CCaitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-86808065296218303042013-07-22T06:05:00.001-07:002014-08-22T07:59:44.562-07:00Project 35 of many...<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
Jonathan and Levi are moving into our old room, which means another mural had to be done. This time the summer sky. After designing this one, it was by far the easiest and least time consuming mural I have done, it took about 3 hours!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn2Q1AFfeh5WGiXyoTVNjCluDniTxL-YKeBubrZgpdqSPlR-botpihhVLWaGPVhZ65O9UqzdYyspEd_ec7vVj7wmCPTVyuCNGuDOb8URfs_X8UloKgCugBt9C4v3YaJ-jEO2OqVW-30h0/s640/blogger-image-1728825674.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn2Q1AFfeh5WGiXyoTVNjCluDniTxL-YKeBubrZgpdqSPlR-botpihhVLWaGPVhZ65O9UqzdYyspEd_ec7vVj7wmCPTVyuCNGuDOb8URfs_X8UloKgCugBt9C4v3YaJ-jEO2OqVW-30h0/s640/blogger-image-1728825674.jpg" /></a></div>
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Amos 5:8 will be written on another wall, and in fact, already is, but it looks really bad and needs to be redone. I think any verse that begins with "woe" is good for a kids room.</div>
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Woe to you who turn justice to vinegar and stomp righteousness into the mud. </div>
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Do you realize where you are? You're in a cosmos star-flung with constellations by God. </div>
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A world God wakes up each morning and puts to bed each night. </div>
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God dips water from the ocean and gives the land a drink.</div>
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God. God-revealed, does all this.</div>
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And He can destroy it as easily as make it. </div>
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He can turn this vast wonder into total waste. </div>
Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-68539478659464777842013-06-12T20:19:00.002-07:002013-06-12T20:22:37.335-07:00Bound to happen.I knew it would happen eventually. I heard his name called, my heart faltered and my head quickly turned in the direction of the voice. There he was, someone else's Benjamin, the same age that ours would be.<br />
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"All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children."<br />
Isaiah 54:13Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-38998037743165569042013-05-05T14:43:00.000-07:002013-05-05T14:43:27.283-07:00Child ? of many. . . Laying it all out. I feel in love this week. I was at the grocery store and saw a young man pushing the cart for his mom, he was probably 15 years old. Brown hair swept across his forehead, button-up shirt, medium build. He had this look about him that said he was greatly loved and cared for. I came home and told Kyle about him saying, "he was beautiful!" In a sea of people busily pushing about and ignoring everything around them, he just seemed so cool and relaxed, so unfazed by all that everyone else cares so much about. . . those things that I myself wish I did not care about.<br />
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You don't see many people like him, even though the "risk" is about 1 in every 800 babies. I saw one figure that said as many as <a href="http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2012/feb/27/rick-santorum/rick-santorum-says-90-percent-down-syndrome-childr/">90%</a> of children like him are aborted, lets say that figure it high and only 75% are, that is still 75% too many. As I am sure you have guessed, the boy I fell in love with at the grocery store had down syndrome. I should have gone up to his mother and told her how beautiful her son was. People do that to me in the grocery store all the time, "oh, you have such beautiful boys!. . . Eeek, they are so cute, you are giving me baby fever!" But, I'd never seen a child with down syndrome at the grocery store before and the thought did not occur to me until later. That momma probably really needed to hear that! I think every mom needs to hear that! It's hard getting kids ready to go anywhere, let alone make them look presentable and yourself. I wonder if she had ever been told that by a complete stranger?<br />
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Why do people have such a hard time accepting things that are a bit different than themselves? People with down syndrome are still people! They are just as innocent and you and I (which, is not very innocent. . . ) and as deserving of life! And, they are every bit as created in the image of God as "normal people" are. All people with "disabilities" are created in God's image and they, along with everyone else help us to catch different angles of God's infinitely great character.<br />
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This was talked about in <a href="http://thecrossingchurch.com/">Church </a>(Podcasts> the only basis for human value) today and it really touches on what has been on my heart for the last few months, we are all created in God's image, and we belong to God, we don't belong to our government, our state, our spouse, parents or even to ourselves. We are God's and life is a gift, and to think that we have the right to terminate a life, no matter what stage it is in, be it someone else's or our own, is trying to play God, and it is a dangerous place to be. <br />
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I am Pro Life. I have always been, but, at various stages of my life I have thought it an "OK" option for other people because I believed it was their decision. I do not think that anymore. I believe that life belongs to God and we have no right touching what isn't ours. God gave us lots of things to take care of, and we've screwed all that up - let's leave human kind alone and stop killing one another. (Completely aside, I've never understood the argument of "the baby is not viable without the mother"- I feel like most people (myself included) are not viable without the grocery store. There are people who are <a href="http://www.beargrylls.com/">exceptions, </a>but, most of us need someone else to help us survive - that condition does not condone ending someone life. )<br />
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Up until recently I would save I have been a rather apathetic Pro Lifer, and not because I don't stand in front of Plan Parenthood with a sign, but, because I've said, "Adoption, not abortion!" but, took the natural children route to having a family.<br />
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A few months ago I prayed one of the hardest prayers I have ever prayed in my life. I asked God to close my womb and to give us children through domestic fostering and adoption, and I asked for kids, not babies.<br />
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If you've never had a baby before, let me tell you what it is like for me. Imagine the most wonderful gift you've ever received and then multiply it by 10,000. I understand that it is not like this for everyone, and there are many women (and men) that don't want babies(or children), and that is fine! But, I love babies! But, I've already been blessed with two, and there are lots of people out there who also want babies, but, haven't had one yet. People would probably fight over babies if they could, so I'll try to stay out of that. There are so many kids in the foster system who do not have people fighting for them, some who are completely "normal" and others who have many disabilities. I think being Pro Life means caring for orphans, and Lord willing that is what Kyle and I are setting out to do.<br />
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Is the first child that we bring into our home going to have <a href="http://dss.mo.gov/fsd/rsb/manual/vrman/propolman/propol_orderselect.htm">severe disabilities</a> ? No. At this point in my life I know that I cannot handle that, I am far, far, far too selfish. I am not sure if that is trying to play God or not. Is the idea of bringing a child with severe disabilities into our home out of the question? No. There was a time in my life where I was probably (I say probably because I have 5 younger siblings, and have always thought myself pretty capable. . . )not mature enough to raise children, now I've managed to raise one to 2 + years, and another to almost 1, and most days I can handle them just fine. Yes, now and again I want a break, but, when they go to bed I look at pictures of them on my computer and want to wake them up. So, I think the plan is to just keep adding to the load and see where we end up. That may be playing it safe, I don't know, this is all new for us.<br />
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So, in the coming years our family may look a little different than yours, we hope that you can support us in this. We pray that we will do an enviable job in raising our family, because we love life and want you to want life that is different than what you expected.<br />
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-Caitlyn<br />
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<i>To those who may be reading this who have children with disabilities of any kind, it is my sincerest intention that I did not offend you in any way, shape, or form. I do not know what it is like to be a parent of a child with disabilities and I know it cannot be easy. I am positive that I am completely naive in this area. I want you to know that I commend you and think the world of you, and that I think you are doing a most excellent job raising your children. I ask for your help in the months and years to come. I am scared out of my skin that I will mess this up, the only greater fear I have is what happens to a child if no one ever loves them.</i>Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-63442859282882984722013-02-23T14:36:00.001-08:002013-02-23T19:07:19.949-08:00Project 34 of many. . .This was the second room that I painted in our house. It happened one weekend when Levi was much more of an infant, and Jonathan went to visit his grandparents in Joplin. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiysBrpJ0D2nMLx-6Kyn36nZOaTIiaycmkEC5weTjHytRJrnoBaXQXOvuyikc9nJLIgcP90AU-tNdI9L5u5PcuOcLgVj3I1zRkbITV0WWictJlPfaG6RHLP1vT2483oZ6smcmiaO1mHljg/s640/blogger-image--2090137952.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiysBrpJ0D2nMLx-6Kyn36nZOaTIiaycmkEC5weTjHytRJrnoBaXQXOvuyikc9nJLIgcP90AU-tNdI9L5u5PcuOcLgVj3I1zRkbITV0WWictJlPfaG6RHLP1vT2483oZ6smcmiaO1mHljg/s640/blogger-image--2090137952.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-50983303909103704372013-01-31T14:59:00.001-08:002013-01-31T15:00:13.794-08:00Probably the most boring thing I've ever written about. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have a lot of pet peeves. A sermon once told me that I should work on having a lot fewer. . . that I should let fewer things bother me. I am a work in progress. </div>
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One thing that I cannot stand are cords. It is the 21st century, I don't understand why we even need them. Cords, especially knoted cords give me anxiety. . . I can literally feel my chest starting to explode sometimes. </div>
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I grew up with apple products. My first computer had one cord. The cord that charged it. My second had 3, the power cord, keyboard cord and mouse cord. All very managable. </div>
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When I got married I inherited a lot of cords. I did not know that this was coming to me. I can't tell you how many times I have said to Kyle, "I don't understand why your computer has so many cords. Can't we just get rid of some." Then I would invision just cutting them away like thread on blouse. Apparently you can't do that.</div>
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I was always told that the computer didn't have that many cords. How could that be? I wondered. And if what I am seeing is a few, what does a lot look like?</div>
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I looked under the desk the other day, where the baby was playing at the moment, and saw that his neck was wrapped in cords. Keyboard and mouse. He was screaming. It took more than a few seconds to untangle him. </div>
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A friend recently wrote me an email asking how I gotten settled into our home so quickly with two little ones. I don't think I've written her back. The answer is that we are still getting settled. I've just thrown things into places and am slowly organizing. Today I took on the most daunting task in the whole home. Organizing the cords. . . </div>
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Warning: The following contains graphic images of a extreme nature. Proceed at your own risk. </div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIPa07r76BsQVn1tKX8SyOkWk1_14rqw0JUuoVIz3F0i2ViUDCrCnW_ro6u94x1dKRJiiib9JxNEEo58Ysj0gVKGbfAIYDRXM80IXOdrghrDsu7rh7VSOn7CtlXk71wBlCKeBS-HMYwsA/s1600/PIC_0243.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIPa07r76BsQVn1tKX8SyOkWk1_14rqw0JUuoVIz3F0i2ViUDCrCnW_ro6u94x1dKRJiiib9JxNEEo58Ysj0gVKGbfAIYDRXM80IXOdrghrDsu7rh7VSOn7CtlXk71wBlCKeBS-HMYwsA/s640/PIC_0243.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Before</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRqjGNu3vySl0r8NUbZyuoDEt75JO-5eGnOsBY0FQmlmXczimbwc7eRzbjJ1bsXjx2wZ3xuB_quaOaWzDxfXrhW-1yPHuLWuwsIqnwaLmaoMytUivQHX52WgHvpb-ebRXNtbaJTwgJVkE/s1600/PIC_0244.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRqjGNu3vySl0r8NUbZyuoDEt75JO-5eGnOsBY0FQmlmXczimbwc7eRzbjJ1bsXjx2wZ3xuB_quaOaWzDxfXrhW-1yPHuLWuwsIqnwaLmaoMytUivQHX52WgHvpb-ebRXNtbaJTwgJVkE/s640/PIC_0244.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Before</td></tr>
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I shudder. <br />
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Whoever invented zipties is a genius. They are fantastic. I used about 297 of them today. I actually didn't have zipties long enough to do what I needed, but, you can zip tie them together and they still work perfectly. <br />
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I started by unplugging everything. I knew with almost 100% certaintly that I would never be able to put them all back in the right place, but there was no way to detangle without unplugging. Long story (4 hours of strapping down and pinning and placing and running to BestBuy), short. It turns out that Kyle's computer does have <em>that</em> many cords after all. The modem, router and internet phone took up a good portion of the corded mass. They are now all organized on a single plug hub and can be reset by unplugging just <em>one</em> cord. Speakers, moniter, tower and printer are on another hub. Keyboard, mouse and iphone charger (I laugh that the fella has one) are on their own hub that I stuck to the back of the keyboard tray/drawer, so now there is only 1 usb cord going to the computer and those cords can no longer hang down and strangle the baby. Which is just fantastic. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmAD0Sm9ImFd1ToZfJtOo3DUtxwM_jHHQ29TS-EIDXoma9Z7677TB91tTgN_eQFERwiIQloxiXtctRZsTcvJ5bsRprJk8pfWkAotoMFiTIDt53o8VEoIGmJKU-rtFJPjVW1y2wiyyP7og/s1600/PIC_0251.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmAD0Sm9ImFd1ToZfJtOo3DUtxwM_jHHQ29TS-EIDXoma9Z7677TB91tTgN_eQFERwiIQloxiXtctRZsTcvJ5bsRprJk8pfWkAotoMFiTIDt53o8VEoIGmJKU-rtFJPjVW1y2wiyyP7og/s640/PIC_0251.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Modem, phone and router</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn2jk5V9TUoOwFxr2jtc9vJvbB-I34ERBoSpSnh0xIwqX8fHkKCF16OxeNRa2OjwihQGz05gs3Wq2D3qChtTRBqh2II5gkmvjTfiG9TcKVy7YCifn-ZCMVYmXONCWD9ZSwPyjh9r9_hvY/s1600/PIC_0252.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn2jk5V9TUoOwFxr2jtc9vJvbB-I34ERBoSpSnh0xIwqX8fHkKCF16OxeNRa2OjwihQGz05gs3Wq2D3qChtTRBqh2II5gkmvjTfiG9TcKVy7YCifn-ZCMVYmXONCWD9ZSwPyjh9r9_hvY/s640/PIC_0252.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">After</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFvEsODoV2AOngIusGoNBkMysX6_bKc6HvLbWhFTN3PEHqNoRiuzltOBmTp8BAO8J7RlBhHeXwp3HjhQWsAwhoLKw3wbQWbXBvb9FC-SHIjBg6QPMLTGvWjLYO23gpUc3Z_ivV3DGNiSE/s1600/PIC_0253.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFvEsODoV2AOngIusGoNBkMysX6_bKc6HvLbWhFTN3PEHqNoRiuzltOBmTp8BAO8J7RlBhHeXwp3HjhQWsAwhoLKw3wbQWbXBvb9FC-SHIjBg6QPMLTGvWjLYO23gpUc3Z_ivV3DGNiSE/s640/PIC_0253.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">USB hub at back of keyboard drawer</td></tr>
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Everything is working but the phone. I also reset the internet security and address, so were at default right now. . . no hacking please! <br />
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Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-53429870894971156082013-01-19T13:13:00.001-08:002013-01-19T13:13:09.748-08:00Project 33 of many. . . <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I finally decided to get on the chalkboard wagon that everyone has been on for the last, oh I don't know, two years perhaps? I've always loved the look of the laser cut peel and stick ones, but, wanted something a little more authentic feeling. </div>
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This project was pretty simple. I designed a shape I liked in Illustrator, created 8 1/2 x 11" sized pattern pieces, taped them together, transfered to a 4' x 2', cut out with a jigsaw, sanded the edges, painted, sanded with 220, painted sanded again and then applied one last coat. To hang, I drilled two holes in the back with the largest drill bit I had. </div>
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The only thing that would have made this project easier would have been having CS. . . whatever version has artboards, because then I would not have had to make 5 clipping masks and copy and paste that many times. If someone has that version of Illustrator and wants to break my original 4' x 2' template down into printable size pages, I'd be glad to share my template with everyone. </div>
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<br />Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-4909044132725607202012-12-06T10:12:00.001-08:002012-12-06T10:14:42.520-08:00Project 32 of many. . . <span style="font-size: large;">"Chicken poot!" - Jonathan Daniel Williams</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5aYE5CaS2Er1y-Abr9THIKUezxfgDQFJmhrvAVWV7rjgu8BZHTWPkjnoLfo9rGvQ1tpPTVf_WQrTSqIscBZEZj16y8ZKf679aGrhw1xsW83foF6zIxv9znesMrGoa58Dv7TwZJR7HA1s/s1600/DSC00009.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5aYE5CaS2Er1y-Abr9THIKUezxfgDQFJmhrvAVWV7rjgu8BZHTWPkjnoLfo9rGvQ1tpPTVf_WQrTSqIscBZEZj16y8ZKf679aGrhw1xsW83foF6zIxv9znesMrGoa58Dv7TwZJR7HA1s/s640/DSC00009.JPG" width="640" /></a><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
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So profound huh? Sometimes the silly things said just stick. I set out about a month ago to build a chicken coop and today I bring home 6 chickens to their very own "poot."<br />
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I would like to thank all the scoffers and critiques out there who think that I am insane, your words have fueled my fire and made me all the more determined to succeed with this! Yes, I know I will have messes to clean up and I know I won't save money. I know and I am okay with that. I want to know where my food comes from and I want my children to know where their food comes from and to me having chickens takes me a step closer in this. So, without further ado. . . <i>the process</i>. . .<br />
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The process is not going to get any more broken down or explain than those pictures right there. Okay, okay, I will just say a few words, building is a lot like making a dress, only instead of using fabric, thread and needles you use wood, screws and power tools. If this were a wood working 101 class I'd have likely gotten a C- in the class. Give me 20 years and maybe I'll get a little bit better at it. I don't understand why cutting in a straight line is so difficult!!!<br />
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<i>The Project.</i> . .<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The crooked roof there at the bottom corner is a design feature.</td></tr>
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<i>The Purpose.</i> . .<br />
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Up next. . . <i>The Product. . . </i><br />
<br />Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-3460741896831542532012-09-17T21:59:00.001-07:002012-09-17T21:59:41.605-07:00Shout out to God. I joined a women's Bible study. As I was driving home, after the first meeting, I started thinking about friendship and how much I do not like making new friends. It's not that I don't like making new friends so much as it is that I really enjoy my old ones and would rather spend time fostering those relationships than putting energy into new ones that lets face it . . . could turn out to not be as wonderful. And by "could" I mean, "How could they possibly? I have the best, most awesome friends in the world!"<br />
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Anyway, I was thinking about one <a href="http://chrisandkaite.blogspot.com/">gal</a> in particular and how much I would love to be doing the study with her, to just have her sitting there next to me - knowing me and all of my flaws and understanding me unlike anyone else does. Later that night I was thinking again about how I really wished I could be learning about God with her and decided to write her an email about it. . . turns out that she is currently doing the same study 3500 miles away!! When things like that happen God just feels so much bigger than everything else. How awesome is our God?!Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-77892971840570841062012-08-25T20:44:00.000-07:002012-08-25T20:44:32.223-07:00It's been one of those <strike>days,</strike> <strike>weeks,</strike> <strike>months</strike>, half of a years that you can really only complain about in a developed, civilized, western society. I feel like I have not had a single answer since the end of January and it is starting to get to me. That it can be so stressful trying to find and secure a home really has me thinking just one thing. . .<br />
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I am not meant for this place.<br />
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We are settled into our "place" now (at least for the time being), and while the stars shine brighter and everything else I wrote in my last post about life in Missouri has come to past, I still feel . . . wanting. . . waiting . . . hoping. . . for something better, something more secure and tangible.<br />
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That I can't hop on a plane, or buy a ticket to Aslan's Country has me in pieces right now. I don't even want Narnia anymore, give me the real thing.<br />
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"Further up and further in"Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-82103514828342962392012-07-09T08:14:00.000-07:002012-07-09T08:14:01.875-07:00<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm so glad that I got to carry you for 21 and a half weeks. . . </div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">. . . and that these hands got to hold you at all. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">1 Timothy 2:15</span></div>
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<br /></div>Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-43795827650666471322012-07-07T09:38:00.002-07:002012-07-07T09:38:54.267-07:001 Year<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
How very excited we were to find out who you would be a year ago today. . . </div>
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Still amazed at all you have managed to do without actually being here. I don't know what to call this day, but, it's the day that we realized we had lost you, Benjamin. And a day I will remember forever and a day I still look forward to.Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-86107137850990732052012-07-04T05:31:00.000-07:002012-07-04T05:31:12.111-07:00MovingWe are moving states. To say it gently, it has been a difficult journey thus far. "Where did this pack up and move idea come from? " is a question that many have asked us. . . . Hmmm, let me see if I can try to remind myself. Maybe that will help me hurl myself back into the familiar and take away some of the remorse I have about moving. Because the truth is, I do not want to move. . . and my list for that is a whole lot longer and a lot easier to write.<br />
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1. Spousal discontent with work<br />
2. Not liking to travel with small children<br />
3. Wanting our children to grow up around their "family" (I've really been struggling with this one lately though as I realize how much I love the community around us and how they have made us feel so much like family, Jesus' words keep echoing in my mind, "<a href="http://bible.cc/matthew/12-48.htm">who is my mother? and who are my brothers?</a>"<br />
4. 4 seasons, and the desire to be somewhere naturally green<br />
5. Frustration over the Phoenix housing market<br />
6. Knowledge that someday we will move back closer to our birth families and we might as well do it now when it is easier on the kids.<br />
7. (and this one is just me) Wanting to see the stars again.<br />
8. ("") The romantic idea of trying to grow most of our summer food<br />
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Here is why I don't want to move. . .<br />
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1. I love my job<br />
2. I love the state of Arizona and all of it's burning hotness<br />
3. I feel more independent here, going back makes me feel like I'm throwing in the towel.<br />
4. Housing in Columbia is just as frustrating as it is here. Probably worse because there are more opinions and I don't actually live there yet, and we were given a month to move and settle there. . . with a brand new baby.<br />
5. Ticks<br />
6. M<span style="background-color: white;">osquitoes</span><br />
7. Humidity and 365 days of bad hair to follow.<br />
The real reasons.<br />
8. Our friends out here are so great. In a lot of ways I feel more cared for by them, than I do by my actual family.<br />
9. We love our church<br />
10. Jonathan's friends<br />
11. I buried my baby here<br />
12. Arizona is probably the reason why Kyle and I made it through those first rocky year of marriage - nothing makes you cling to your spouse like being in a metaphorical desert (though the physicality of the desert might make you want to stay away from them because it is just so hot at times).<br />
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Regardless of what I want or what I think I may want, I do think that we are making the right decision and that we are trusting God on this one.<br />
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In 9 days we will be back there. I have no idea where we will be living (I have less of an idea now than I did before I went on a house hunting trip), but I do know that wherever that might be that the stars will be shining brighter and that our opportunities will be many and that I feel more prepared to take on those opportunities than ever because of the great love that our friends have sowed into us here.Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-65330578928588931722012-06-30T15:38:00.001-07:002012-06-30T15:38:57.191-07:00Birth StoryOn Sunday, June 3rd Kyle boarded a plane and flew to an interview with MidwayUSA in Columbia, Missouri. I was 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant. We prayed that the baby would not come while he was away. I said, "it's a full moon tomorrow night, I bet the baby will come," crazy things always happen during full moons was my reasoning.<br />
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Jonathan and I had a good Sunday together, we went to the pool and he did all sorts of darish tricks and had me running after him all afternoon. I stayed up late that night working on a project for a client.<br />
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The next morning I woke up to bloody show. I think that typically this would have freaked me out, but instead I just laughed at the irony of my being in labor while Kyle was 1000 miles away. Kyle was in interviews all day and I knew he would have his phone off, so I called my mom and told her what was going on. I didn't want to cause unnecessary panicking for Kyle so I held off on calling him until after I went to the midwife's office to get checked out.<br />
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Sure enough, I was in labor. 4.5cm dilated, 90% effaced with a bulging bag of waters. The midwife told me I was going to have a baby that day. I asked if standing on my head could prevent that.<br />
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I spent the next few hours wondering how I was going to get to the hospital once my contractions started getting harder. When you are planning on an all natural birth you want to spend the smallest amount of time possible at the hospital - meaning you need to do a lot of your laboring at home. This would be fine, except I didn't know how if labor came on all of a sudden I would manage to drive Jonathan to a friends house and then drive myself to the hospital.<br />
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I decided it was probably best to go to Costco a buy a video camera so I could record what I had decided was going to be my Blair Witch filming style birth video for Kyle. I bought two, one was waterproof (could come in handy right?) the other was just a regular one - I had not done any research on camera's so I decided it best to get two and return the one with poorer reviews (waterproof pocket camcorder turned out to be a piece of junk.). Sometime in there either Kyle listened to a voicemail I had left him or my mom called at talked to someone at MidwayUSA, because Kyle got his flight moved up from landing at 11PM that night, to landing at 7PM.<br />
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I knew that I should be resting - I had only had 5 hours of sleep the night before - but instead I got the a huge dose of nesting rush and spent the day sewing, cleaning and dancing with Jonathan. I also took my first non-successful nap ever.<br />
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I did not believe that I was going to have a baby that day. I was almost certain that the midwife was wrong. By this point I was having very slight contractions and had lost my mucus plug. But, I wasn't going to let myself think that that meant anything. I did a classic Caitlyn thing where I break down the amount of time until an event into little tiny segments. "Only 5 minutes until it's half an hour until there are only 5 more hours until Kyle gets here . . . Only 4 more hours, that's half of what I was waiting 4 hours ago and nothing has changed!"<br />
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I made it to 7ish. The phone rang, Kyle's plane had landed. I told him that Jonathan and I were going to go on a walk to get labor started because "apparently I am having a baby today" - something I was less convinced of now than I had been that morning.<br />
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Jonathan and I walked over to the tennis court. I sat down on a bench and filmed him playing with rocks, he started to run away and I thought, "oh, I had better go get him" so I turned the camera off. I realized I was having a contraction, probably the hardest one I had had all day. My cell phone beeped, it was my midwife texting to see how my progress was. I stood up to get Jonathan and respond to her and my water broke. My water broke like it does is the comedy movies. It was just gushing down my legs, pooling in my shoes. I ran and got Jonathan, texted my midwife, called Kyle (he had just turned onto our road) and realized Jonathan was not going to cooperate on our trip back home and that I was going to have to carry him. So I picked up my screaming 21 month old and carried him back to the apartment amid contractions that I had decided to start very suddenly and very painfully all the while leaving a trail of dripping water behind me.<br />
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I got home and called my friend <a href="http://colleenscreationideas.blogspot.com/">Colleen</a> to tell her what was going on and to try to work out how she was going to get Jonathan from us. My head wasn't working too well, so I told her Kyle would call her in a bit. Kyle got home right then and I really had no idea what to do. Should we drive Jonathan over to Colleen's house or take him to our other friends house? So I timed my contractions, realizing that they were 3 minutes apart I decided we needed to get to the hospital ASAP.<br />
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We put the bags in the car and drove to our friends house to drop Jonathan off. My bag of waters is still gushing and I am yelling at Kyle to slow down and drive more sanely because his sharp turns are making everything hurt worse.<br />
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We got to the hospital, Kyle dropped me off at the emergency room and I walked in. There was a line, so I stood in it - shortly after I am standing in a puddle because my water will not stop ( I had been drinking at least 2.5 gallons of water a day for the last 4 months), I am having contractions and the woman in front of me says, ". . . are you?? Do you want to go in front of me." "Uhh, yes please."<br />
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Get signed in, lady with a wheelchair comes and whisks us away and tells me to let her know if I think I am going to have to push. I am still thinking that I am not going to have a baby today and that this lady is crazy for thinking that I am so close to delivery. We go past triage, right into a room, "you're obviously in labor, we are not going to check you." Once in the room I ask for a birthing tub - I never got an answer on this one, I think they thought there would not be enough time.<br />
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I'm still cracking jokes at this time, so I know that it's not nearly as close as they think it is. They check me and I'm 6 something dilated. "Fantastic," I think, "I hope the rest of it is this easy."<br />
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Long story short, the second half of it was not as easy as the first. The pain got really bad. I told Kyle I wanted an epidural, he told me I didn't . . . but then he fell back asleep (he stayed up the night before reading the hunger games. . . ) and I got back in the shower and realized I didn't care what Kyle thought I wanted, I was going to get an epidural and he wasn't even going to wake up to know about it. It was probably 11:20 and I was exhausted. I think if I hadn't been so tired that maybe I would not have wanted the epidural so badly - but, I was falling asleep in the shower between contractions and was getting so irritated that I had to wake back up 2 minutes later to have another minute long contraction. <br />
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My midwife told me that maybe I could try something a little more mild than an epidural to see if that helped at all.<br />
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I got out of the shower. They checked me, 8 cm. I felt a little defeated here, I had been 8 the last time they checked me, over an hour ago. They made me lay down and put this giant ball between my legs which made my contractions feel about 75% more painful than they had before. I just screamed that I hated it. I told them to get the IV going for the lesser pain med and signed the sheet for the epidural. Then I got back in the shower to wait while they got everything ready (the shower was really amazing. My contractions were somewhat manageable in the shower, but, I hadn't progressed in the shower - so it was a love/hate relationship). 10 minutes later I got out. It was probably 12:20AM. They hooked me up to the IV and got the bag of fluids going into my arm. Once it was in they said they needed to check me again before they could give me the medicine. I said, "no, I don't want to be checked," and they informed me that they had to because if I was too close to 10 my baby would be born sleeping and they would have to give him/her a shot to wake him/her up. "Born sleeping" was all I had to hear. The world stopped. I knew they didn't mean born sleeping in the way it is used to describe babies born dead, but it still freaked me out.<br />
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So, it was now an epidural or nothing. I had one more contraction. Told them they could check me and while they were checking me I said it was time to push, they said, "oh yes, it is, you are 10 cm, 100% effaced and at -2." It must have been about 12:44 AM.<br />
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Pushing was a lot worse than I had imagined. They told me that was because I had a 9lb 2 oz baby with a very big head and shoulders that got stuck under my pelvic bone. I pushed for 12 minutes and yelled, "Claire!" when I knew the baby was out, then I heard Kyle say, "No," and the next thing I knew I was holding a baby boy with dark black hair.<br />
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I know it was the most painful thing I have ever gone through, and at first I never wanted to do it again. But, I really have forgotten how bad it was, and even thought it hurt worse than having Jonathan, my memories from Jonathan's birth stand out as more painful to me.<br />
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So, now I am in the process of packing up my home and moving to Missouri. We leave in two weeks. It has been a crazy month!<br />
<br />Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-1966223780189122492012-06-27T18:09:00.000-07:002012-06-27T18:09:04.122-07:00Project 31 of many. . .One of my favorite things to do is have a big project going on while I am in labor. With Jonathan it was a purse, Benjamin a wedding dress, and with Levi it was this little number. <div>
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I actually tried really hard to get this one done before Levi arrived, and with the dress done and the coat mostly complete on Sunday night, June the 3rd, I was feeling really good about things. </div>
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Kyle was out of town and I was feeling very productive. I went to bed at about 2 in the morning. That morning I got up earlier than usual to work on the coat some more and realized that I was in labor. And I laughed. I laughed because you really don't want to be in labor when your husband is over 1000 miles away, and when that happens, you might as well laugh because freaking out is not going to accomplish a single thing. . . and I had a lot of things that needed accomplishing that day. </div>
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I put the line lead project on hold and made a wedding veil for a friend of mine who was getting married in Greece in two days. I don't know if I worked on the coat anymore that day. . . I am thinking that I did not. </div>
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Finished the project while my mom was here and got it sent out. Competition starts sometime in July, I'm excited to see how she does!</div>
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I had a lot of fun making the reversible headband. . . I am thinking it is a good Christmas present idea. Maybe if I ever do a craft night again I can teach how to make them . . . Sadness. </div>Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-91339250960593618662012-06-14T11:12:00.000-07:002012-06-14T11:12:12.587-07:00Child 3 of many . . . maybe<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I say "maybe" only because of my inability at the present moment to get over irrational fears. . . well, people tell me they are irrational, I personally think there is nothing irrational about a war happening and modern culture being destroyed sometime during the 9 months one is pregnant and then having to give birth by yourself in a post apocalyptic world. . . while taking care of two other children. </div>
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More of a story to come later! </div>Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2375989646085159540.post-53477598864945635432012-05-10T16:20:00.001-07:002012-05-10T21:21:24.897-07:00It usually starts with Pinterest. Clothes, handbags, shoes, scarves, sunglasses. . . all of these things are so pretty on the outside. But am I willing to pay the cost to obtain them?<br />
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I find myself asking more and more these days "what is the real cost of this?" Who made it? What is their quality of life? </div>
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Frustratingly, I can't know the story of every product that I buy. . . not the whole story. Even clothes I make, you have to wonder about the fabric. . . how was it woven? Who helped harvest the cotton? What subsidies were paid? What are the reproductive systems like of the women living around these farms that are being sprayed with chemicals? What are the dollars I am spending doing to change the world? We step all over life to get what we want. . . </div>
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. . . and I can't see much of a way to get around it. . . beyond starting a new world.<br />
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Is it because I am getting older? Or is there really more despair, frustration and crookery now than their used to be? Either way, how I am suppose to function 20, 10 . . . even 5 years from now?</div>Caitlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029436747981632169noreply@blogger.com0