The blonde inside of me really wanted to categorize my business as "construction" today when applying for an EIN.

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Envying Bezaleel. . .

Exodus 31: 1 - 6 "And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, See, I have called by name Bezaleel the son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah: And I have filled him with the spirit of God, in wisdom, and in understanding, and in knowledge, and in all manner of workmanship, To devise cunning works, to work in gold, and in silver, and in brass, And in cutting of stones, to set [them], and in carving of timber, to work in all manner of workmanship. And I, behold, I have given with him Aholiab, the son of Ahisamach, of the tribe of Dan: and in the hearts of all that are wise hearted I have put wisdom, that they may make all that I have commanded thee;"

Exodus 36:2 "And Moses called Bezaleel and Aholiab, and every wise hearted man, in whose heart the LORD had put wisdom, [even] every one whose heart stirred him up to come unto the work to do it:"

I won't lie. Everytime I read about Bezaleel I get kinda jealous. I want to be that skilled! I want my skills to be useful to the Lord. So often I feel like the abilities that God has given me don't matter much in the Kingdom of Heaven - I mean, I could make some banners for the church - but other than that I generally feel useless. I mean, I don't even like most of the banners in churches - I think they are kinda lame most of the time. So what can I do? There aren't many temples going up in Phoenix that call for a "couturist."

I quit my job today. It was a really tough thing to do. When I first started thinking about it a month ago I felt really great about the idea. I felt free. I felt like I was being given a second chance at life. It was great! Today I just felt scared and sad. My last day of work is April 25th. I don't know what I am going to do. . . I just know that I can't sell myself to Macy's any longer. I have a million ideas of what I want to do, they all involve having lots of money so that I can hire people to interpret my ideas for me. Focusing on only one thing was never one of my strengths. . . I just know I have two eyes for a reason. . .

Read this guys blog. . .

When I read what SCL had to say on one of my favorite passages of scripture I had a hard time not thinking about myself and how I am literally in the desert burying my talent in the sand. Although, seeing it from the artists perspective I can understand why we so often do that. . . No one is giving us a place to work! How are we suppose to serve God with these funky/crazy skills we have that we don't even see as valuable. Yeah, we could build the Temple, but we don't know it. . . I think if we did that some things would change.

When I was in Vegas with my dad we started talking about some thrift store that Love INC. is suppose to be putting together (it may even be together, I'm not sure). I want to do something like that out here. It would be like an antropologie/coffeehouse/bar/artstudio/lounge house/library/jam session/small group/hostel/garden/farmers makert, only everything would be done by local artists/workmen. It would be a huge collage of overlapping work done by people who have never known how to use their talents for God. Everything in the store would be for sale and the people who made these things would be for hire and could go into people's homes and do installation projects of sorts and then the money, instead of going to them, would go to supporting local missionaries or something of that sort. We'd have workshops where people could come in and learn how to do something like, build a cabinet or make a pillow or knit or learn to weld or change their car oil. And everyone would be happy and the only bottom line would be to do something the best you can and to do it for the glory of God.

It's going to be in the middle of the desert and people are going to like it I bet. . .

Short skirt and a long jacket . . .

Have you even been browsing the internet, filled out some forms and then gotten a call from the company whose site you visited? It's been happening to me a lot lately - I guess that's one nice thing about this recession - people are trying harder than ever before to get your business.

One call in particular really stands out in my mind. About 3 days after I posted the story about the pink trench coat I got a call from Cappella University. When I was trying to figure out how to get into the costume department at the FBI I got frustrated that I could not find any really quick ways in. . .so I decided that I would give the world of criminal justice a shot. I filled out the online application and got a call from an admissions counselor. She asked me if I was still interested in the program and I told her that I wasn't. After a few seconds it became apparent that I wasn't going to get this lady off of the phone unless I told her the entire story. So I told her about my degree in fashion design and how I am always changing my mind on what I want to do. . . then I told her about the pink trench coat I had seen that had made me realize that my calling in life was to dress spy's. I told her that I did not think a degree in criminal justice was going to help me get there. I've noticed that when people call you and ask you to explain why you don't want something that they usually tear apart your defense on why you do not need a particular product and tell you that you DO NEED THIS PRODUCT (we do this everyday at Macy's when we tell people that they need to open star rewards cards). The lady on the phone started to do this, I recognized the little intro line that they all have . . . but she couldn't follow through with it. She was laughing hysterically at me and said something like, "Oh, never mind miss, you have a great day!" Click.

Of course she probably later got yelled at by her boss for not getting 20 people signed up for college that day - she even might not have made as much money because I didn't sign up for class - but I bet that was one of the more exciting things that had happened to her at work in a few days and I bet she liked it even though it reflected poorly on her performance.

I know how she feels. It's so frustrating that the fun and exciting things don't always get you the results you are after at work. . . and at the end of the day they just translate into numbers that weren't quite met. Even though you had a good day at work you go home feeling crummy and like you can't perform well at your job. What is particularly frustrating at Macy's is that they say they want you to give customer service above everything else, but they don't mean that at all. They want you to sell things that people don't need or even want, they want you to run up credit card bills and charge people lots of interest.

It makes the title of Starving Artist sound more and more appealing everyday. Starving artists get opinions, something I'm not allowed to have much of at Macy's. They get to do things the way they want, and the results don't matter . . . in fact, becoming successful is almost the fear because then people start to think they know you and you slowly start to become definable. Thinking about all of this has helped me come up with a slogan for my lifestyle/line/brand/idea. "What do you want to be today?" Maevery got close to this with the line "for little girls who want to grow up to be princess, rock stars or doctors. And for mothers who want to capture the essence of their daughters youth." In fact, I think it's the same idea.

In college and in all those stupid design contests you're always challenged to find your style. Everything has to be cohesive and well edited. It's all about proving to someone that you can play the game. We've all played the game and look where it's got us -- into an economy that is falling down around us. Why!?!? Because we have all traded what is irresistible for something that is marketable and sound. . . and it's boring. We spend money that we don't really have on things that we don't really like. . . of course it is all going to fall apart - we didn't really care about it, it wasn't really real, it made us feel bad, it made us do things that we didn't feel comfortable with, it made us sell out. Don't we kinda want it to fall apart?


It seems like almost every week I meet a woman who says something like, "when I grow up I want to be..." She knows who she is but she doesn't know what she is. . . I'd like people to know that that is okay if they want to dress like a prep one day and play golf, and the next day they want to wear all organic stuff and go to celebrate earth day. It's not hypocritical to have many different sides to you. God created us as multifaceted gems in His collection, and we all reflect the Father. God is everything and it's only natural that we should want to be everything as well. We've all got a spy in us who is always on the look out, trying to blend in, trying to figure out what our next move will be or what we'll do to eventually accomplish the mission. The question is, do you want to be a spy in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt? Or do you want to be a spy in shades and a pink trench coat? I know for me that I've got to have the hot pink trench coat - it's irresistible for me.

On that note - I did get the trench coat; it went on super sale (probably because it was a little impractical - it was a great idea, but in Phoenix it just wasn't marketable) right at the time that my very practical black coat decided to fall apart for the second time. . . and I am glad it did. I traded the black coat in and got the pink one.


-Caitlyn
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?" "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Strange sounds. . .

Here is an example of how extreme the conclusion are that my mind makes sometimes. . .

A few days ago I was out in the front yard weeding, I heard the strangest sound and my instant reaction to it was that for a moment in time no one was praising God and that the rocks were crying out. Whatever it was, it got me back on track.

Project 11 of many. . .

A one day project turned into a 3 day project. . . blast those stupid drywall screws with expanding support or whatnot in them. . . Let's just say that after I destroyed all the structural integrity of the drywall (and there's not much to begin with) surrounding where I thought I was going to hang my curtains up, I had to get a little creative.


This rested on a 2x4 that then went over the molding on the door. . . so I didn't have to worry about screwing it into the wall. Because the wall wasn't strong enough to hold up my curtains I had to use a zip tie to secure the curtain holder thingie to an L bracket that was secured to the wood paneling. . . ghetto, but it works (The inside of my suits look much better). I think it is strong enough to withstand Alexis.

I wish I could say that the design was done completely on my own, however, it was inspired by some much more fabulous curtains that I saw at someones "house." Although this fabric must be made by the same manufacturer who made the fabric for one of the coats in my collection. I actually thought about making a coat out of the fabric below, long before I thought it could be curtains.

Dick Tracy calling ornament

I saw a hot pink trench coat at Macy's yesterday. Apart from being one of the cutest things I have ever seen it also helped me uncover what I think my goal in life is: I want to be the costumer for the FBI. . . surely this position must exist.